January 3, 2008 § Leave a comment
ellom speaks about monogamy and i decided to take part…
because when i love one being then i love one being and have no romantic, sexual or deep heart interest in anyone else.
at first – many years ago – i believed there is only one single being for me in this world. but it was not so – it fell apart. and now i don’t know any more.
i feel friendship for many people, but it is just friendship. and a little bit deeper emotions also tend to cool down quickyl if i find out that the other side is not interested. i can not desire the undesireable…
a few days ago, i found an old notebook of mine – consisting of good prayers for the world. the back side reads:
Him that I love, I wish to be free – even from me…
that is maybe what best describes the way i love, the way i want to love. with mutual and ultimate respect, desire, worship… and freedom.
but – NB!! – this means mental freedom for me. loving someone just as he is. but still, i expect faithfulness or whatever they call it… monogamy. i choose to share my body and soul with just him and expect the same back. because i have the freedom of choice and this is my choice. the one. i can not divide myself between schemes.
i think i do not oppose polygamy as is, because… i think there can be people who have other types of things on their minds, other types of mindsets, other preferences. but i know it is not for me. polygamy expects mutual respect of two people to share their loved ones with somebody else in such intimate way as well. and the respect of all those others involved. i don’t know… i can’t just say “it’s impossible” just because i feel i dislike this. but to me, personally … it hurts.
yes, i prefer to be devoted.